navigating life transitions
big changes like moving to a new city, starting a new job, getting married, or starting a family can be exciting and liberating, but also incredibly disorienting.
They can leave us feeling overwhelmed, like we don’t have a blueprint for how to navigate life in this new season. I often work with people who are preparing for or currently navigating a new season of life and are craving stability while also wanting to carve out a new path forward. If you are caught between one version of your life and a new iteration, you may find yourself questioning things that you’ve never wondered about to this extent before. Who am I? What matters to me? How can I be sure that I’m ready? Am I sure I even want this?
If you’re someone who has historically put the needs of others first or focused on achievement as a means of self-worth, it can be especially disorienting to either find yourself untethered from the roles and expectations you’re used to, or stepping into new roles that are far less familiar. Maybe you expected to feel nothing but excitement and are confused by the feelings of sadness, fear, and loss that don’t seem to make sense in light of the good changes happening in your life. Let’s get something straight…It is NORMAL to feel overwhelmed in times of significant change. Even the good kind. We don’t lighten our load by minimizing our struggle, but by choosing to be kind and compassionate toward ourselves and making room to tend to, rather than dismiss or judge our feelings.
There’s something about the shifting grounds of change that allows things to rise to the surface that have been waiting for our attention. As stressful as all this can feel, it also means that you are growing and evolving. Times of change are ripe for self-reflection.
You can get through this.
Here are a few tips to help you find some solid ground to stand on amidst all the newness:
Don’t believe the hype.
It’s so easy to look at others and compare ourselves: “It looks so much easier for them, what’s wrong with me?” Try not to compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. Remind yourself as often as you need to that we are all messy creatures figuring life out as we go and putting up a solid front (and some perfectly curated Instagram photos) in the process.
Keep it real.
Next time someone asks you how you’re doing, consider being honest. Let them know that as exciting as all this is, it’s also scary. Honesty is refreshing and invites others to offer the same. Vulnerability is the gateway to connection and realizing you’re not alone.
Get curious.
Things are shifting, you’re working to establish a new normal. The time is ripe for getting curious about what small daily actions can make you feel good, maybe even offer you a sense of home amidst the shifts. Little ways of caring for yourself and prioritizing simple pleasures can go a long way. It could be a smell or flavor that brings you comfort or a song that always makes you want to dance. You could jot down three things you’re grateful for, schedule a weekly phone or coffee date with a friend who feels like home, or request a session with your therapist.
When structures we’ve depended on are shifting, it’s important to remind ourselves that we are our own caretakers, first and foremost. Deep down, we know what we need and can always do something about it, however small. It is enough to simply take the next right step, breathe through the discomfort, and show up for yourself in small ways everyday. You are in good hands.
- jf