how maya angelou changed my life
In my early 20’s, I experienced what was probably the single most life-altering year of my life.
I deeply needed a change. I’d felt stuck in a rut for a couple of years and had fallen into repeating the same unhealthy patterns of thinking and behavior in my relationships with myself and others for far too long. I was living from a place of unhealed pain and trauma and knew I couldn’t continue to approach my life in this way. But, I had no idea how to begin to reshape my reality.
I don’t remember how “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings” found its way into my hands, but I’m so thankful it did. I devoured Dr. Maya Angelou’s recounting of her early life and went on to read every one of her 7 autobiographical books. I was mesmerized by her strength, and how she continued to live with such deep hope, passion, and zest for life despite by the many traumas she endured . Her story gave me a glimmer of hope that I, too, could emerge from the pain and trauma I’d experienced in my early life and become someone bold and wise; a force of truth, strength, and stubborn joy, like Angelou. I realized that if I wanted that to be the case, I’d have to work like hell for it just like she did. I’d have to be a very active participant in my healing.
As I read my way through her lifetime of autobiographies, I was inspired to take bold action in my own life. I made a commitment to invest in my mental health. I followed my dream and applied to grad school. I worked hard, saved money, and traveled to 5 countries that year, fulfilling a desire I’d had since childhood to immerse myself in the beauty of different cultures and contexts. I began to come alive and experience new parts of myself. For the first time in my life, I felt truly empowered to shape my own trajectory. Ultimately, I made the most impactful decision of my life that year when I decided to move across the country from California to NYC and begin grad school, stepping away from some harmful relationships and boldly prioritizing my needs and wants in a way that would permanently reshape my life. So many aspects of my life before and after this impactful year don’t really resemble one another. I’ve never been the same.
In the years since, I’ve realized that it wasn’t despite her traumas that Angelou became such a powerful force in this world, but because of how she met them, and her relentless determination to rise, sometimes against all odds. Maya said it best: “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” We don’t get to choose which circumstances we’re born into or which hardships we will face in our lifetime, but we are the ONLY ones with the power to decide what we will do with these experiences, how we will show up with and for ourselves in the aftermath. And though it can be scary, and for some of us may be the hardest decision we’ll ever make, there is so much power in refusing to be reduced or defined by our pain.
In choosing to heal, to take back our story and reclaim our narrative, we are empowered rather than reduced by the challenges we’ve overcome. We metabolize our pain and use it to fuel our healing.
But, we were never meant to do it alone. Angelou had mentors and advocates whose strength fueled her own. I have and will continue to lean on my community, family, and therapy throughout my life as I work to live from a place of healing and wholeness. Building a story of resilience and rising from our pain requires that we call into our lives the things and people that strengthen and empower us. Maya Angelou showed me that the byproduct of this decision can be life-altering. I am so grateful I had her to accompany me during this transformative season of my life, and it is my greatest honor to accompany others on their own healing journeys.
-jessica forrey