therapy is a relationship

we are both wounded and healed in relationship to others.

So many of our underlying pain stems from relationships with others, yet I know I’m not alone in having tried unsuccessfully to heal on my own what needed to heal within the context of relationship. Relational wounds need relational interventions.

Though our brains have remarkable strategies to help us bounce back from relational hurts and traumas, our biologically wired ways of coping are deeply rooted in our propensity to self-protect. We do this subconsciously, by making sweeping judgements about current people and situations based on past experiences and reacting accordingly. Our walls go up without us even thinking twice. These self-protective instincts were particularly useful back in the cave man days when literally everything and everyone was a potential life threat, but it’s not an ideal way to live in our very social and interconnected world of today.

If you carry a history of having been hurt by others who should have been safe, whether intentionally or unintentionally, you might be left feeling disconnected from yourself and others, struggling to trust, open up, or connect. You might be stuck living out an old story. It’s not your fault, your brain is likely just trying to keep you safe based on the information it has acquired. But, now that you’re becoming aware of it, you get to decide how you’ll move forward - you can choose not to stay stuck in the old story and to instead cultivate a path forward that leaves you more open to connection, which is something we all so deeply need.

Relational therapy is so effective because it allows us to heal experientially and construct a new narrative stemming from the experience of being valued, respected, and in control. In relational therapy, we practice receiving attunement, identifying needs, learning to trust our judgement, and setting healthy boundaries. We work together to cultivate an experience of connection that is rooted in what makes us feel safe and supported so that we can begin to unpack the stories that have kept us feeling stuck. Together, we work to bring healing to the parts of us that carry this pain, so we can pave a new path forward.

So many of us have learned to suppress difficult feelings and isolate ourselves from others as a means of survival. Perhaps this was the best strategy available to us at the time. But, if you are here, maybe you realize this isn’t working so well for you anymore. Maybe you’re ready to try something different. If you don’t have someone in your life you feel comfortable cultivating this with, relational therapy can be a great place to start.

-jessica forrey