reflections on a year of collective suffering

What we have inadvertently had to ask of ourselves this past year is unprecedented. It’s brought us face to face with the parts of us and of our lives that we may otherwise keep at bay with busyness and distraction. Many of my clients found their way to me because the collective challenges were the tipping point. Their brains and bodies were unable to shoulder the added burden, and so they came to me seeking support not only around the current stressors, but also for the healing of earlier wounds pulled to the surface by the vulnerability of this time. 

Coping effectively means we’re able to move through life’s challenges and move the emotions that they trigger through us like a wave, rather than disconnecting, numbing, or repressing. But, if we didn’t have the support we needed to do that early on, the result can be long-standing, sometimes invisible wounds that bubble up to the surface in times like these. My guess is that every human has experienced some degree of this over the past year. Pain and uncertainty on this level touch on our human need to feel safe and secure, inevitably reminding us of other times in our lives when we didn’t.

This year has changed me as a therapist. In a more significant way than ever before, I have been on a parallel journey with my clients, something that felt really scary at first, but which I will always treasure for the deepening it has supported in our work. I, like my clients, have felt afraid, overwhelmed, and sad. I have had to pour myself into holding space for my own vulnerability, so that I could widen my reach to do the same for others.

I am moved by the courage of my clients to do the same for themselves. In our sessions, we have come together to practice turning toward their pain, resisting the urge to silence and suppress it. When we give grief and fear a seat at the table, they point us toward the tender places in us that are begging to be heard and seen, held and healed. I have been moved by the healing my clients have allowed in through the honoring of their whole selves. They have shown me everyday, that even in the midst of ongoing pain and uncertainty, we can make room for healing and hope to enter in.

What has been the most challenging year to be a therapist (perhaps also to be a human) has also, for me, been the most transformative. It doesn’t in any way justify the suffering, but it makes it feel much more survivable to remember that resilience and tenderness can be born from times like these.