emotions are meant to be felt…

We live in cultural contexts that welcome certain emotions and banish others. In the culture I live in, we are generally encouraged to pursue and express happiness, excitement, and accomplishment and to diminish feelings like grief, fear, and loneliness. This is a cultural script, but it’s not the only script at play. In our families and communities, there are even more parameters, and they can actually vary quite widely. In some families, an expression of joy may invite unwanted attention from an abusive parent. A moment of contentment might invite ridicule. In these situations, we learn to repress and feel unsafe even around expressions of what the broader culture might view as “positive” emotions.

Our young minds are so good at adapting to our environment. Survival and belonging are such core needs, that we learn to skillfully navigate emotional expression, staying within the various scripts that have been handed to us. This is a brilliant way that we adapt in order to get our needs met. But, what worked then may not be working now. The truth is that emotions are just information; really valuable information about what matters to us and what we need. They are not choices to be made or judged, but biologically wired responses to our lives and experiences. Emotions are meant to be felt, not managed, judged, or repressed.

This is the unlearning that therapy can support so beautifully. The ways we learned to survive as children may have been vital to us at that time, but as adults, they can keep us from thriving and prevent us from living the Wholehearted lives we crave (s/o to Brene Brown for her definition of Wholehearted living). The beauty of our brains is that they are so adaptable and wired to move toward healing. In the right circumstances, I truly believe that every one of us can thrive.

We can learn new ways of being. We can learn to feel as a way of honoring our whole selves. And as we learn how to move emotions through us and honor them fully, we learn that relief lives on the other side of even painful emotions if we are able to feel them to completion. We learn that no feeling is permanent. Our brains and bodies are able to settle. Having been relieved of the task to manage, overthink, and repress, we are able to open into greater connection with ourselves and others.