3 steps for navigating uncomfortable emotions
Sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed or afraid of becoming trapped within our difficult emotions, that we end up allocating all of our energy to resisting them by whatever means possible. But, it’s the things that we resist that end up having the most power over us. This is because it takes so much energy to do this, requiring more and more of our effort and resources over time. Avoiding difficult emotions is a form of self-abandonment and sends the message that we are not safe, even within ourselves.
Below, I’ve outlined 3 steps you can take to show up for yourself and navigate through uncomfortable emotions in a healthy way. This practice is a step in the direction of self-attunement and a greater sense of wellbeing and psychological flexibility. I hope you’ll find it helpful and would love to hear your thoughts and reflections in the comment section below.
Step 1: Get curious
When you notice discomfort, choose curiosity over resistance - i.e. “Whoa, what is this feeling?”
Notice the sensations in your body. Do you feel flushed? Is your chest a bit constricted? Is there tension in your jaw? Or, do you feel heavy, stuck, or weighted down?
Ask yourself:
How did I get here? (Notice the circumstances leading up to these sensations/this feeling).
How can I show up for myself in this moment of discomfort? (Begin to get curious about what strategies could help you self-soothe).
Step 2: Move towards it
Our instinct when faced with an uncomfortable emotion is usually either to “power through it,” avoid it altogether, or numb it. Instead, try staying with it for a moment. Create some manageable space to move towards this feeling/discomfort rather than expending all the energy it takes to resist it.
You can do this by:
Setting a timer and journaling or creating a voice note to give voice to what you’re feeling for 5 minutes (or less if this feels like too much).
Calling or texting a trusted friend or family member and letting them know you need to “think out loud” and maybe aren’t looking for any feedback or advice right away (make sure you ask if they are up for holding this space with you first, don’t just unload on them without asking for what you need and making sure they are able to give it to you).
Breathe or stretch through this emotion. Do a favorite yoga posture or stretch while mindfully creating space for this emotion to surface and move through you - try to actually visualize this process as you breathe/stretch.
Step 3: Invoke the opposite energy
To seal this practice, do something to invoke the opposite energy.
If you noticed your state has you feeling more stuck/heavy/immobilized, generate some mobilizing energy by:
Letting out a big, loud sigh.
Playing your favorite upbeat song and singing or dancing along.
Doing some dynamic stretching to get your blood flowing (think: 80’s workout video warmup moves).
If you noticed instead that you're feeling more activated/overwhelmed/jittery/anxious, create some grounding energy by:
Laying on your back and breathing into your belly, watching it rise and fall as you feel yourself filling up and then emptying your breath completely.
Listen to a guided meditation (bonus: this can be done anywhere, even at your desk at work).
Ground your senses by doing this quick exercise that can also be done anywhere:
Notice: 5 things you see, 4 things you can feel/touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
Take a “mindfulness break” and go for a walk with the intention of really noticing and taking in the details of your surroundings through your senses as listed above.
The steps I’ve outlined here may seem counter-intuitive, but responding to yourself in this way lets your nervous system know that it’s okay to feel difficult things, and that you can get through them by staying present with yourself (step 1). So many were never taught how to show up for ourselves in a way that reassures our central nervous system and helps us to return to a place of stability and connection rather than getting lodged in disconnection, or fight/flight mode.
Following the steps I’ve outlined above is a way of cultivating a sense of safety and trust within yourself. Over time, it can help you to build a new response pattern that leads to more ease and less overwhelm as you realize that you are able to recognize what you need and how to get it (step 2) and that overwhelming or uncomfortable emotions are never permanent, and can actually be a great source of information to help you tune in to what you need in any given moment (step 3).
whenever awareness is met with loving action, you strengthen your capacity to self-soothe and help yourself return to a state of ease and peaceful presence.
-jessica forrey